MAKE YOUR DAY

I glide through the iconic Selfridges revolving doors, ready for a day of grift and glamour, and dive headfirst into the perfume hall. After enough spritzes to convince my fellow shoppers I wasn’t drinking whisky and Diet Coke in a field last night (is Hyde Park a field??), I head on autopilot towards the Foodhall.

Ascending the steps, I think of my food memories from within

these walls. A spoonful of truffle cream from the deli; the infamous Krispy Kreme counter; Matjes, the fat German herrings loved by my grandparents. Yum. Then I meet Sales Associate Lidia, who I become immediately obsessed with, and we embark on a mission to curate a Selfridges hamper for my dad’s 70th birthday. She expertly traces every corner of the cornucopia as I snaffle up chocs, and shows me how to build the perfectly balanced gift box. Once we’ve run amok in the aisles, she packages up all his favourite things in a sublime Selfridges wicker basket, and I throw in a mini bottle of champs for moi. Happy birthday, Daddy!

Time for some green energy. While the perfume did well to mask my natural musk, my stamina is flagging, so I stop at JENKI for a matcha. Fellow matcha girlies, take note: the almond milk Matchacano from JENKI is hands down the chicest and most delicious way to get caffeinated in this postcode. Do not miss.

Matchacano’d up to my eyeballs, I head onwards and upwards to the second floor to meet Tracy for a styling appointment. I have a wedding this week and, after a quick WhatsApp chat about what I like to wear and my favourite designers, she’s put together a wall of dresses for me to try. I slip into some Rick [Owens], run my fingers over Chopova Lowena and then find myself head over heels for a baby-blue Acne number. Turns out falling in love is easy, just book a Selfridges personal shopping appointment.

Bidding Tracy goodbye and possibly having to be dragged backwards out of the most luxurious changing room I’ve ever been in, I hot-foot it back to Beauty for an appointment at FaceGym. I meet Caitlin, who looks like an angel but, once I’m in the chair, sets about pummelling mon visage to within an inch of its life. From a mini exercise ball (yes, I had to confirm this three times, and that is what it was) to gua sha, to an electronic sculpting device which evoked feelings of being caught under a wave machine – she truly made my brow lift, bro. Afterwards, I swear I hear my cheekbones begging for a smoothie and a sit-down. I am sculpted, I am stretched, I am slightly startled. I am immediately adding FaceGym to my skincare routine.

(I stop to eat the best tuna melt of my life with a pickle at The Brass Rail, but that’s irrelevant because we didn’t get any pics.)

It is now time for the thing I am most anxious about: an actual workout session INSIDE Selfridges. Descending to the tech department, I apprehensively make my way over to the Technogym. Luckily, Sales Associate Matteo dispelled any nerves with simple demos, and then I get on with some exercise. I used the Cross Personal, the Kinesis and the Technogym Bench. I was jubilant by the end of it and truly didn’t care if any random acquaintances happened to be browsing for an iPhone down there and instead saw me, sweating. Which didn’t happen, by the way, but if it had it would definitely have been fine.

I find a secret hiding place, make a nest out of yellow hamper confetti and settle in to sleep the night at Selfridges. Just kidding, do NOT do that! Instead, I ride the Tube and think about all the lovely people I met and feel like a million-dollar Selfridges Gift Card. Then I go home and make a nest out of yellow hamper confetti. What a perfect day!